


Howard and Wilbur

by ijustreallylikemusicals



Series: Brooklyn 99 x Spies are Forever [2]
Category: Spies Are Forever - Talkfine/Tin Can Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossover, I just really love both of these and wanted a crossover, Kissing to keep cover, M/M, fake dating kinda, like its for a job, the Brooklyn 99 and saf crossover that only I wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:48:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24211621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijustreallylikemusicals/pseuds/ijustreallylikemusicals
Summary: Curt and Owen have been coworkers for the past two years, but both have had feelings for each other and never admitted it. But, when put on a mission together, those feelings get put to the test.My personal obsession in Brooklyn 99 meets my obsession with Spies are Forever (its a musical) featuring two confused agents, a (overwhelming) supportive friend, and a Russian that just wants to go home.
Relationships: Owen Carvour/Agent Curt Mega, Richard Big/Agent Curt Mega (past)
Series: Brooklyn 99 x Spies are Forever [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753048
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46





	Howard and Wilbur

**Author's Note:**

> This is a thought I had while watching b99: "What if I use the characters from saf in this situation?" You don't need to watch the show to read this, however the episode this is based off of is "Johnny and Dora" season 2, episode 23 and I use some of my favorite lines from that episode. Also, yes their undercover names are from Black Friday. I just love them both in that show as well.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

It had started as a regular day at the agency, other than the send off of the much loved, and very old, break room vending machine. Curt had arrived a few minutes late and got the usual disappointed stare from Owen. Owen, who was stateside permanently so the MI6 didn’t need to send agents over constantly for lower end missions, always arrived at least ten minutes early for his shifts. Curt was just settling down at his desk when Cynthia walked over with a casefile in her hand. 

“Nice to see you showed up today, Mega,” Cynthia states, clearly not pleased at his tardiness. Curt just blew off what she said, since he knew she couldn’t fire her best agent. Instead he gestured to the file and asked, “Got another case for me?”

“You won’t have any more cases if you keep up this shit. I’m not afraid of firing your ass. Got it, Agent?” Curt just nods his head and mumbles a “Sorry.”

“Damn right Mega. You should be sorry,” she said while dropping the file on to his desk. “We got reports of Sergio Santos making and selling a bomb to Baron Von Nazi tonight, and I need you to arrest Von Nazi and bring him in for questioning. You can take Agent Carvour with you, since the British want him questioned as well.” Cynthia turned to walk away, but stopped when Curt said, “I can just take Tatiana with me. I know that Owen had been, uh, swamped with work recently.”

“Well, Carvour, are you too busy to take on the case?” Cynthia turned and asked Owen. Curt does the same, and realized Owen had been listening in on the entire conversation. Curt tries to ignore the confused and hurt glare Owen sent him. 

“Of course not, I don’t know where Mega would get this from,” responded Owen. 

“Really? Because I swore you told Barb that you were swamped.”

“When did I tell Barb this, love?”

“I believe I heard you say,” Curt continued, but adding on a poor British accent, “I have been just bloody swamped with all these cases. I don’t know what to do, love!” Curt looked between Owen and Cynthia, neither looking amused. 

“Do I sound like that to you?” Owen asked curiously. Owen doesn’t allow Curt to answer and said, “If anything work has been slow for me recently.”

“Well, then it's settled. Mega,” Cynthia turned back to Curt, “you and Carvour will be partnered together. Slozhno and Lavernor will ride along in the van to keep surveillance. Unless you have a problem with that, Mega.”

Curt knew better than to try to argue, so he just said, “Copy that,” and took the casefile off the desk.

“Good, that's what I hoped you would say. You all leave at 7:30, sharp. Not a minute before, not a minute after.” Satisfied with that, Cynthia walks back to her office with Susan hot on her tail. 

Curt opened the casefile and looked through all the paperwork when he saw someone pull up a seat next to his desk out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t even need to fully look to know that it was Owen about to question him about what had just occurred. 

“Are you mad at me Curt?” Owen questions, trying to not sound upset. “Did I do something to make you not want to work with you anymore?” Curt didn’t want to look up, but couldn’t resist. Owen looked sad and confused, like a child not allowed anymore candy on Halloween. Curt hated seeing Owen like this, especially when he was the direct cause of this. 

“No, of course you didn’t do anything Owen. It’s just,” Curt stopped and looked around to make sure nobody could hear them, especially Barb, and continued with, “before you said you were going to stop dating agents, I was going to ask you out.”

“Oh,” was all Owen was able to spit out at the confession. The two of them had been dancing around each other ever since Owen was permanently stationed there two years ago. It started with Curt admitting his feelings before he was sent away overseas in Spain for six months while Owen was dating the Informant. It had all seemed to be fine, since once Curt came back he started dating Richard Big and told Owen he didn’t have feelings anymore for him. This then came crashing down when Owen and the Informant broke up during their double date with Curt and Richard, and the Informant revealed Owen’s feelings for Curt. All in all, it was a huge mess that ended with both Curt and Owen single and agreeing to be just friends and coworkers. It hadn’t been an issue, until today. 

“And I respect your wishes, I just thought it might be, I don’t know, a bit awkward between the two of us. I just want things to be like they once were.” 

“Well, lets just treat this like a work case. Just be strictly professional. Deal?” Owen reached out his hand. Curt softly smiled and grabbed his hand, shaked it, and replied, “Deal.” 

Curt then handed the file over to Owen, and Owen walked back to his desk to look over it. Both of them hoped that this could be just like any other mission. 

—

7:30 came faster than each anticipated. Owen, Curt, Tatiana, and Barb all piled into the agency van and headed to the restaurant Sergio was said to be heading. It was definitely a nice restaurant, one where the handing over of a bomb wouldn’t normally take place. 

“Why is he heading into the restaurant? I thought the hand-off was in a park,” asked Tatiana, clearly upset that the mission wasn’t going according to plan. 

“Looks like he’s taking his wife for dinner,” Barb chimed in. Tatiana looked for Owen and Curt for an answer. Both were just confused as she was, and Owen said, “Why don’t we just arrest him in the restaurant? It doesn’t look like he has a group or anything.”

“Cynthia wants the buyer, not the seller,” Curt answered. “Maybe the deal is happening inside. We need to get inside.”

Curt went to open the door, but Owen stopped him and said, “We look too much like cops. We need to blend in more.” Owen took off his tie, unbuttoned his first few buttons, and threw on a tan jacket Susan had left in there. “How do I look?”

Curt tried to ignore how good Owen looked, more laid back and casual than normal and just said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I see as a genderless blob.”

Curt ignored the strange looks his coworkers gave him and began taking off his shirt and tie. Luckily he was wearing a blue undershirt and threw his leather jacket over it. “Alrighty, lets go.”

Both men left the car, and Barb and Tatiana shared a look. “You saw that, right?” Barb asked. 

“How they both got all hot and bothered when changing? Anyone with eyes could see that.” 

“I think this is finally the night!” Barb squealed full of joy. Barb had a crush on Curt for a while, but that soon ended when he came out to her and the rest of the squad. Now, she would like to say that they were closer than ever and just wanted him to be happy. “I hope one of them cracks and spills their guts out.”

“Sorry to tell you this, but it won’t happen. Both are too afraid of what could happen to even test to see if something good comes of it,” Tatiana said. Tatiana had known about whatever was going on between the two of them for ages now, and wished they would just get together already so she could stop hearing about it. However, she knew what each one had gone through and just couldn’t see it happen any time soon. 

“I think it will. They’ll have to give in at some point.” Tatiana couldn’t find anything to counter that with that wouldn't upset Barb, so she decided to just keep her mouth shut and turned the radio on. 

—

Curt and Owen entered the restaurant to find it filled to the brim with customers. Both looked at each other puzzled, since it was a Monday night. 

“Hi, we would like a table for two please,” Curt said once it was their turn at the hostess table. 

The hostess looked at them sympathetically and said, “I’m so sorry, but we are all booked up with reservations. We have no more room for anyone else tonight.”

Curt was ready to give up when Owen grabbed his arm and pleaded, “Oh, that’s a shame. It’s just, tonight is a really important night. You see, me and Howard just got engaged and this is where we had our first date.”

This surprised Curt, but he saw the hostess’ face changed and added on, “Oh, yeah, it would mean so much to Wilbur and me, but I didn’t make a reservation since I didn’t know if he would say yes.”

“Oh, love, I can’t believe you were that nervous,” Owen teased, before kissing Curt’s cheek. This took Curt even more be surprise, but knew that was the final straw for the hostess. 

“Well, I think I can find somewhere for two lovebirds,” she grinned and looked through her book. 

“Yes, lovers, that we are. Forever and always,” Curt stuttered. Owen just squeezed his arm, and Curt took the hint. 

—

Back in the van, some random pop song that Tatiana had never heard was playing while Barb rambled about some new invention she was creating. 

“And at the bottom, rockets come out and could blow up a building! I mean, what could be better than that!” Barb squealed. Tatiana had already heard about the ‘rocket shoes’ that Barb was talking about, but she knew it would keep Barb somewhat entertained. 

“What is taking them so long? It’s been almost two hours.” Tatiana was beyond frustrated. She wasn’t supposed to be working that night or the next day, and had a bottle of wine calling her name at home. But here she was, stuck in a van waiting for her coworkers to stop eating fancy food on the company’s dime. 

“Maybe they are enjoying themselves and lost track of time,” Barb said, gazing into the restaurant windows trying to find them. “Or worse, Sergio found them out.”

“I’m sure they’re fine. They would have buzzed us if something was wrong. And if they ‘lost track of time’, I’ll kill them for wasting mine,” Tatiana said. Part of her wanted them to have a nice time, but the other part wanted to get wine drunk and pass out. 

“I’m not sure Tati, maybe we should go in,” Barb insisted, while going to open her door. Tatiana stopped her and said, “We need to give them time and space to figure this out. Now, why don’t you tell me about that new pen that is actually a gun.” This made Barb forget her fears and began the rambling once more, which brought a smile to Tatiana’s face. 

—  
Owen and Curt, or Howard and Wilbur as they were now known as, were seated in the waiting area slowly sipping their drinks. It was a bit awkward between the two, since neither really knew what to say to the other. Owen decided to break the silence when he said, “I’m sorry for saying we got engaged. It was the first thing that popped into my mind.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Curt reassured. “I mean it got us a table and a way in. I do have a problem with something though.”

“What is it?” Owen stammered.

“That you think I look like a Howard,” Curt chuckled. Owen relaxed a bit and retaliated with, “At least you don’t look like a Wilbur.” Both men chuckled and relaxed even more. They were finally acting like they once did. 

“Where did you even come up with that?” Owen questioned. He never had heard anyone in real life have that name, only that character on all those advertisements for that weird green doll. 

“It was the first thing that popped into my head. He was our neighbor growing up. Nice guy, if that helps any,” Curt smiled and took another sip. Owen pretended that his heart didn’t swell up at the sight. “What about Howard, why did you pick that out of all names?”

“For some reason I just thought of my cat I had in London before I moved here.” Curt opened his mouth, but was soon silenced when Owen lifted his finger and added, “Before you make a comment, I didn’t name him. That was the name the shelter gave to him when he arrived.”

Curt sat confused and asked, “How come I never met him? I thought you were more of a dog person.”

“I’m actually allergic to dogs, so cats are the only option. And I said I had a cat. I gave him to my sister before I left since he couldn’t travel overseas,” Owen sighed. “I miss him.”

“It must have been hard, leaving him there. I couldn’t imagine what that was like.” Curt comforted Owen and put a hand on his shoulder. Owen then looked Curt in the eyes, not breaking contact until the hostess walked up and said, “Your table is ready.”

They both shook out of whatever just happened and stood up to follow the hostess. 

“I will say, the kiss was a bit much. I mean, it was pretty wet,” joked Curt, trying to bring the mood back up. 

“What can I say? Wilbur is sloppy.” They both laughed, happy that the mood was still the same. 

“Well, the honeymoon is over. I guess we are back to Curt and Owen now,” Curt said, trying to not let his disappointment seep through. Even just pretending to be together felt good to Curt, but he knew things would be better as friends. 

“I guess so,” Owen replied, also trying to sound relieved. But then, the worst thing that could have happened just had to happen. 

They were sitting right next to Sergio and his wife. 

“You must be the couple that got engaged!” Sergio's wife hollered, garnering attention from the other nearby tabled. Curt and Owen shared a look, both realizing the mess they were in. 

—

“Curt just messaged me. They are seated, but right next to the suspect. They aren’t sure how long they will be,” Tatiana read from her phone. She let out a huff and put her phone back into her pocket. “We are never getting out of here.”

“We could play a game,” Barb suggested. “How about 20 questions? I’ll go first.” She didn’t let Tatiana answer and asked, “Why did you decide to to work for the Americans instead of Russia?”

“That’s classified information.”

“Oh come on,” Barb begged, “You know almost everything about me but I don’t even know your birthday.”

“And I would like to keep it that way.” Tatiana reached to turn the radio back on, but Barb stopped her. 

“I know things haven’t been easy for you the past couple of years. I don’t know what exactly happened, of course, since you never said anything, but I could tell. You weren’t as excited for missions or going undercover as you once were. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I can always lend an ear if you need it.” 

Tatiana was left speechless. She didn’t want to, and legally couldn’t, talk about her transition of working for the Americans and the struggle it had on her mentally. She always thought she hid that from everyone, but should have known that spies can read even a stone wall. But, Tatiana appreciated that Barb was even trying to understand. That was more than she ever had years ago. She still couldn't understand that she had a family now. Not just Barb, but Curt, Owen, Cynthia, and, hell, even Susan. She knew that it would take years to open up, but it doesn’t hurt to start trying. 

“May 15th.”

“What?” Barb asked, clearly confused. 

“May 15th. That’s my birthday.”

Barb just smiled and turned the radio back on. 

—

“Oysters and champagne? Really, you shouldn’t have,” Owen gestured to the table, now full of food. 

“Oh, please, it was nothing. I remember being young and in love,” Sergio’s wife said, glancing at her husband with admiration. “So, when did you guys meet?”

“Five years,” Owen said, at the same time as Curt said, “Two years.” Both looked at each other with panic, realizing their mistake. They usually had a fleshed out backstory provided to them from the agency, but since they weren’t planning on going undercover that night, they had to fly by the seat of their pants. 

“Well, we met five years ago,” Curt said. He looked at Owen to help fill in the rest of the story, “But we don’t count it because we were both dating other people.”

“I was dating this professional poker player,” Curt smirked, very much enjoying teasing Owen. 

“And I was dating an art historian,” Owen replied. He wasn’t going to let Curt have all the fun. “But, we met back up at a bar and it's been history since.”

Curt and Owen could tell that Sergio’s wife was drinking every lie they said, even with the mess ups. Even Sergio seemed moved by the story. Pretending to be together was easier than either of them thought. 

“What made you know he was the one?” Sergio chimed in. One could clearly tell he was reminiscing about his own relationship with his wife. 

“Ah, well, uh,” Curt stubbled. He wasn’t prepared for an intimate question like that. “Just his, uh, face, like, it's really good.” Neither the couple or Owen looked satisfied with that answer, so Curt decided to add some more detail. As they always say, every good lie has a bit of truth in there. 

“There’s no one else’s opinion I trust more than his.” Curt glanced over to Sergio and his wife, and was pleased to see that they bought it. But, when he looked back at Owen, he couldn’t help but see the look of joy pass through his eyes, and the slight blush at his cheeks. 

Owen decided to add, “He makes me laugh more than anyone else.” Now both Curt and Owen were blushing, and Sergio and his wife were swooning at the pair. It was all ended by Sergio’s phone dinging, and a frown forming on his face. 

“I’m sorry to end this, but we need to get going,” he said while standing up and putting his hat and jacket back on. “Honey, can you go start the car? I want to give my compliments to the chef.” Sergio’s wife just nods, blissfully unaware about her husband’s doings. She and Sergio gave the pair a wave goodbye and a “Good luck and a happy marriage to you!”

Once they were out of earshot, Curt said, “Let’s follow him back.” Owen nods and both leave the table, trying to keep out of Sergio’s eyesight. They see Sergio enter the kitchen and shake the chef’s hand. 

“Why isn’t he doing the hand-off?” Curt questioned, confused nonetheless. It looked like he was really just thanking the chef.

“Maybe he really is just thanking the chef,” Owen said. Sergio looked out and saw them, and gave them a confused look. 

“Oh no, he saw us,” Curt said. He tries thinking of a plan, but Owen beats him to it. 

“I’m sorry for this,” Owen apologized, before pulling Curt into a kiss. Curt was startled at first, but soon understood what Owen was going for and played along as well. He had to keep reminding himself that it didn’t mean anything, but was slightly disappointed when Sergio approached them and Owen pulled away. Only slightly disappointed, though. 

“Excuse me.” Sergio went to walk by them, uncomfortable with what he just interrupted. Once he was gone again, Curt and Owen quickly broke apart. Neither wanted to start the conversation, but Owen apologized again, saying, “Sorry for doing that. I couldn’t think of anything else to do.”

“Don’t worry about it, Owen. Really, that was a good cover. I never would have thought of that.” Curt stopped looking down at his hands and looked towards Owen. “It was strictly professional.”

“Agreed,” Owen sighed. He was relieved that Curt wasn’t upset at him. He stuck out his hand and said, “Deal?”

Curt just smiled, took his hand, and replied, “Deal.”

—

To say the ride following Sergio was uncomfortable would be an understatement. Barb kept pestering them with questions, and Curt and Owen would just give quick, one-word responses. She never got the hint, and just kept asking and asking.

“How was the custard? I heard it was just to die there.” She was about to ask another one, when Curt snapped with, “Please, Barb!”

Barb just turned around, shock filling her face. “What’s twisting your panties?”

Curt and Owen shared a look before Owen said, “Curt and I kissed.”

“What!” Barb yelled, shaking the van with her voice. It caught Tatiana by surprise, as she didn’t think that booming voice could come from such a small body. She couldn’t blame Barb, though, since she would have acted the same if she hadn’t had years of training to hide emotions. 

“It was for a cover-up,” Curt quickly added. He didn’t want Barb to get her hopes up, since he knew she wanted them to be together. “It was strictly professional.”

Barb didn’t believe a single word of that, but before she opened her mouth, Tatiana interfered. “Sergio is getting out at the park.”

All four of them huddled to the windshield after Tatiana parked the car. Sergio walked to a bench, looked around quickly, and placed the briefcase down. He then walked back to his car, and sped off. 

“Alright, Owen and I will stay with the package and you two follow Sergio,” Curt reached for the door to head towards the briefcase. Owen quickly followed behind. 

“And you two follow your hearts!” Barb shouted after them. She then turned Tatiana with a smirk on her face. 

“Don’t even start with me.”

—

“God it's cold out here,” Curt mumbled as he tried to warm himself up. “All I want to do is get a slice of pizza and head home.”

“You know what I’m going to get on the way home, love?” Owen asked Curt. 

“Polish pancakes and a hot chocolate.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to get,” Owen said, surprised at how quickly Curt knew the answer. It was like second nature to him. 

Curt peeked over Owen’s shoulder and spotted Von Nazi, uniform and all. He was clearly not trying to hide his appearance to any passerbys. 

“There’s Von Nazi.”

Owen turned around and spotted the suspect as well. Von Nazi looked around, and looked directed at them. 

“Oh no, he spotted us! What are we going to do?” Owen stubbled. He turned to Curt, to see if he had a plan of action. Curt just mumbles, “Here goes nothing,” and pulls Owen in for another kiss that night. Owen quickly played along, kissing Curt back and tried to make it believable. It must have worked, since Von Nazi brushed them off as a regular couple and went to grab the package. Curt saw this and broke away from the kiss. 

“Hands up! You are under arrest!”

“You have the right to remain silent. We are police colleagues!”

—

They avoided each other all the next day. When Cynthia asked for a volunteer to sort out some new evidence in the evidence room, Owen was a bit too eager to raise his hand. Cynthia didn’t seem to notice, and let him go at it. Curt was equal parts relieved and hurt, as he didn’t want to talk about the night prior, but still wanted to be around Owen. Right as Curt sat back down at his desk, Cynthia plops another file on his desk. 

“Is this another case? I thought it was limited to once a week?”

“Don’t get too excited,” Cynthia claims. “It’s just the paperwork from last night. I need both you and Carvour to sign off on it.” She didn’t wait for a response before strutting back into her office. She did in fact, holler, “I need those by the end of the day, Howard,” before closing her door. 

Curt didn’t want to know how she knew about that name, so he just picked up the file and hiked down to the evidence room. 

He hesitated before walking in. All he needed to do was get a signature, nothing more than that. Curt could do it. He was a spy, goddamn it, and could do anything. That mindset changed, however, when he walked into the room and saw Owen sorting out many different boxes. 

“Yes, love?” Owen asked, a bit confused at the interruption. He wasn’t expecting anyone down here, especially Curt, until the end of the day. 

“Cynthia needs you to sign these. It’s about last night.” Curt slides the file across the table to where Owen was seated. 

“What about last night?”

Curt realized his mistake and clarified, stuttering, “The mission. Not, you know, the kisses or anything. I mean, it did happen on the mission but I meant the mission as a whole.” Curt could feel the heat forming at his cheeks, and wanted nothing more than for him to go back in time and redo this conversation. 

“Oh, well I’ll sign them and get out of your hair,” Owen joked, as he tried to lighten the mood. He scribbled his signature and walked over to hand the file back. 

“Well, ah thanks.” Curt takes the file and turns to leave, but Owen places his hand on his shoulder . He turned back around to Owen’s concerned face. 

“Listen, we both agreed that last night was purely professional and that those kisses meant nothing. I don’t want this to jeopardize our relationship, because I want to to be in my life. Even if that is a strictly platonic friendship. So, let's just put last night behind us and move forward as friends. Deal?”

Owen stuck out his hand, and Curt shaked it with a, “Deal.” But then, something came over them. Maybe it was the shitty fluorescent lighting that filled the room, or the weird smell that came from one of the boxes, or maybe it was it was just the two of them throwing caution to the wind and letting themselves try something exciting and new. Neither of them knew the true answer, but both knew that they wanted what was coming next. 

A kiss. 

Now, they technically had kissed the night before, twice to be exact. But this was different. This one was a real one, filled with passion and emotion. It wasn’t just something to keep their cover, or hide their true intentions. It was one that spoke louder than words could, and expressed more emotions than a thousand love poems. No, this wasn’t Howard and Wilbur kissing. 

This was Curt and Owen.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! When writing this, I realized just how close the characters are from each show, like Curt and Jake, Owen and Amy, etc. Also, Barb and Tatiana could be seen as flirting in this or could be seen as a Charles and Rosa friendship. I was going for the Charles/Rosa friendship at the beginning, but it soon became more than I expected. So, to each their own with that. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading!


End file.
